Spouse not as tidy as you like? Here are a few tricks to getting by, WITHOUT compromise, when Tidy is married to Tornado.
Your issue; your problem
I mean this is the kindest way possible. But the truth shall set you free: if you have the problem, then it’s up to you to fix it. If your anything like me, no task is too heavy, no job too impossible for Mrs. I Can Do Anything so then just knowing the power to fix it is in YOUR hands, you should feel better already. There is nothing more frustrating and despairing than feeling like you don’t have the power to fix something that’s broken and coping with the helplessness that comes in having to wait for another to come to your rescue; it’s unbearable for my personality types. As painful as waiting for an alcoholic to hit rock bottom. No worries, that’s not the case here. If you have the problem, then it’s your job to fix it. Nobody likes a person who walks around delegating their expectations on the rest of society. So don’t be that person in your home. Odds are if you’re the one burdened by the mess it’s because your home more to stare at it and hate it. Well, if your home more then you should be the one compensating for the one who has not a moment to enjoy their own space and is always out the door be it work, community service, children’s activities, whatever. When your on the go constantly, you probably become messy as well. Right?! So cut the busy spouse some slack, and compensate with using the time you do have to tidy up behind them. Teamwork right? She who has the time, does the time. But stop pointing the finger and aiming an accusing eye at the messy (let’s call them “busy”) spouse in the house, and turn that pointer back on yourself and get busy instead of becoming a negative nag. Empower yourself to be the master of your own home and stop wallowing in animosity towards the one not living up to your own standards. It’s all about perspective. Changing this one detail will make a huge difference in your frustration level without even taking another step forward. If you’re busy too, then use the time you do have to set yourselves up for success in the future.
Take Time for Two Tricks:
More often than not, tornado’s are not tornado’s by nature, their just tidy people with no TIME. Americans are work-o-holics and to boot we travel at an in-humane pace with multiple distractions along the way. It’s just the times we live in. So give both you and your spouse a break and call it what it is, a lack of time instead of being a true tornado over tidy and set yourself up for a task that you ACTUALLY have time to complete. Here are two SMALL things you can easily do to stage a space for a tornado who is always on the go:
- Leave large open baskets on floors that are typical “drop spots” and trays on surfaces that are. Then just schedule yourself 10-15 minutes every day or 30min-hour every weekend to empty them.
- Turn the mountain into a molehill by simplifying content. If your both on the go and you can’t KEEP up with all that you keep, odds are you have too much. Downsize. One coffee mug per spouse to leave on the sink, table or in the car, one pajama set to leave on the bedroom floor, one towel to leave on the bathroom floor is more likely to get picked up versus stacked up and left because you will need it again shortly after and so HAVE to take care of it. Stacks of laundry don’t get left waiting to be washed or folded and put away and piles of dishes don’t happen when you downsize. I’m not saying you should go minimalist and get rid of all your goods but just put it away or store it away, leaving out just one for daily use during the grind of no time n all work or on the go. Remember, if you don’t have the time to take care of it then you really shouldn’t have it. This is generally more so the issue of tornado people than the fact of them being actually tornado by nature; it’s just a lack of time.
These two simple tricks, I promise, will make HUGE progress in the heaps you have to keep up after. Careful though, if you don’t have the accountability or take the 10-30min to tame the drop spot trays or baskets, even they will get out of control.
It Takes Two
Yes, I did say if your the one with the issue then it’s up to you to fix it, but your only one person and there are two creating the problem. Whether the tornado be your spouse or your kids, take the time to include them in the process of undoing. If your doing the dishes after dinner, ask them to join you. If your emptying your drop spot trays and bins on the weekend, bring it to them and ask them to pick what’s theirs out of it and put it away. If your collecting laundry off the bathroom floor downstairs, and you find their towel or clothes in there, ask them if they want them in the laundry or put away and then ask them to do whichever one they tell you should be done. This is for you AND them. You won’t feel like a slave and they will recognize the work load they have caused and learn to be accountable for it. Most the time that’s all it is; our tornado’s just DON’T realize the work they have caused but will if you work together to undo it, as it should be. Don’t just do it all yourself. If the tornado is your kids your raising lazy, unconscientious and incapable children in just doing it yourself and as of now that may seem easier until the day your down, be it a surgery or sickness, or even just out of the house, it will blow up while your gone. If the tornado is your spouse then teaching and conditioning days are gone but you ARE enabling them to be thoughtless and disrespectful which in the end will weigh on you and your marriage. Asking for help with a task is not only a bonding moment but a chance to lighten the load if carried together as well as correct a bad behavior without nagging. Positive reinforcement always trumps negative.
I hope these few tips do something for you in your life same as it does daily in mine. I’ve lived for eighteen years with a tornado in a small space and that has only spawned SIX more tornado’s to work with. The problem doesn’t go away. I wish I spent less time nagging in animosity and came to the realization of these tips long before I did. I remember my mother advising me to just kick my husbands laundry down the basement stairs whenever I found it on the floor as that’s what she did when my father did the same. She viewed it as disrespectful for a man to leave laundry on her clean floor and exchanged disrespect for disrespect. My parents relationship was toxic, however, and I didn’t want that for myself, but not to mention it only spiraled into the retaliation of more disrespect, exchanging tit for tat, animosity for animosity, getting no where. We just don’t teach lessons or motivate good behavior that way. I also imagine that if a man works full time to support a woman, the least she can do is pick up some laundry he leaves behind. But if both are working and equally have no time as most couples today do, then yes-the time you do have correcting the mess should be done together and the suggestions above are my best way through it. Both my husband and I worked full time throughout our marriage so I’ve never had a problem asking for him to help at home. Teamwork is the key and whether tidy or tornado you can make it work with some respect for each other, compassion and positive effort.
Her House 